magicshop

We’ve all read about not being excited about birthdays and feeling down on how to celebrate and just distancing ourselves from everyone. Well, it’s a tough feeling when you go through it every year.

Last year, my birthday fell on a Friday, a perfect day to party, and I ended up doing nothing and just chilling at home. This year, my birthday is a week away and I’m still not sure what I want to do for it. One of my friends reached out and asked me what I was planning and I said I don’t know. She asked me if I’m okay, and I couldn’t reply to that because I honestly don’t know.

I find birthdays very overwhelming. You plan so hard to throw an amazing party where you’re supposed to be the main character but you end up doing your best to please everyone and make sure they all have fun. It’s said that everyone is focused on you but by the end, you’re the one trying your hardest to enjoy. At the end of the day, you’re not even sure if you enjoyed. And this expectation to celebrate. Why?

I think my relation is also a bit screwed up with birthdays because all that fancy, friends throw you surprises? Didn’t really have that. Never had die hard friends who went above and beyond. Maybe it’s because of me. I take a long time to warm up, don’t ask questions, don’t expect much. Maybe that creates the distance. I don’t know. But I don’t look forward to my birthday. I would rather hide than celebrate. If I have it my way, I’ll disappear for the day and come back when it’s gone. But my family tries their best to keep it happy and about me, so I stay. I stay and try to find a compromise in between- not too much but not too little.

It’s probably very odd. It’s odd to me too. But I’m always excited for everyone’s birthday, just not my own. I’m excited before it comes, I’m drained when it’s almost here, and I dread it when it arrives.

Hope it’s better for you.

🙏🏻✨